These were the questions that I constantly asked myself, as I embarked on the college bandwagon, and traveled the 300 miles to Baltimore, Maryland to my future home for the next four years: Loyola University. I was extremely excited, butterflies in my stomach, eyes wide open ready with open arms for the new experiences and friends I was going to make. But something wasn't completely right: a slight hesitation, inclination of worry, anxiety, and nerves. At the time, I couldn't quite understand what I was feeling because I was so excited, and ready to be independent and live on my own and make all new friends, and especially start anew and pursue my career dreams. Yet, amidst all my excitement, was this little flicker of hesitation.
As it came down to my parents leaving me, and having to meet my evergreen and group for the first time, this feeling started to progress, but I was determined not to let it get in the way of having fun with a new group of individuals from all over. The first day flew by, full of ice breaker activities, academic seminars, and fun laughs share by all. That night, my evergreen Anna, asked all of us to reflect on the day, and think about a fear that we have for the year, keep it to ourselves, but remember it for Monday. At first, I just thought of something simple: the class work load, getting lost on campus, throwing up (yes I'm terrified of throwing up, or other people getting sick), but as the welcome weekend continued, I found myself growing increasingly uneasy, experiencing insomnia and nightmares.
I became increasingly worried about myself, not knowing why I was feeling this way, especially because during the day I was having fun, making memories and spending fun times with my messina group and amazing evergreen leader Anna. The insomnia, anxiety, and nerves progressively intensified. I was constantly talking and face timing my parents, and always had great stories and things to share. Yet, nothing was shaking this feeling that something was wrong. Once classes rolled around, I was excited to meet all my new professors, and finally get into a routine for myself. The first week went pretty well, a few nerves here and there, but all in all I was very successful. I made friends in all my classes, saw Anna and met her friends, and even went to the gym and did laundry.
The first weekend rolled around, and that's when things went downhill. Saturday night was a night I won't forget. I was siting on the second floor common space, frivolously doing homework, when I started getting this horrible anxious feeling. At the time I had been texting and snap chatting my evergreen Anna, when I started experiencing chest pains, which then escalated to a full blown panic attack. I found myself unable to breathe, and this was a feeling I have never felt before, and no matter what I did from walking around and doing laps, nothing seemed to calm me down. I have snap chatted Anna, telling her that I was having an anxiety attack. She asked me if everything was alright, and if I needed her to come hang out with me. It was at that moment, when I knew that I was homesick. I pushed myself to the limit, with zero breaks, making myself crazy over the monstrosity of school work that I was assigned. Anna made me realize that I needed to reach out, and ask for help, and while looking back on it in the moment I didn't think I would need her and didn't want to burden her, I definitely needed someone that night to comfort me.
I've always been the kind of person who never reached out to anyone for help, thinking "oh I can handle it whatever" or felt I was burdening people with my problems. That night I made a promise to Anna: my goal for the year is to ask for help. As much as I thought I could have handled the panic attack that Saturday, looking back I definitely needed her, but I was worried about burdening Anna with my problems. She made me realize that I should never be afraid to reach out, because that's what friends are for. They are there for each other, no matter what the situation or circumstance. Her kind words will always resonate and hold a special place in my heart. You don't come across people like Anna, willing to drive all the way from her house to campus at 11 pm on a Saturday night to comfort me for a panic attack.
The idea behind this post is simple: homesickness is extremely common amongst college freshman, and even upperclassmen. I never thought I would be the one to get homesick. I had been away from my family before, Ecuador for 2 weeks, and mission trips to Indiana with my youth group, and never experienced any issues before. But being in a new environment, and realizing that this isn't a temporary trip for a few days or a week, but rather, this was going to be my new home for the next four years, and the people around me were about to become my new family and friends. No matter how excited you may be about college life, even the most independent individuals, like myself, can find themselves struck with homesickness.
Moving away from home for the first time, adjusting to college life and schedules, with extended periods of free time and breaks in between classes and setting up a brand new schedule all take a toll on you, and sometimes you find yourself wanting to crawl into that extra small twin bed and tuck yourself into the covers and avoid life's difficulties. A lot of college students like myself don't have the luxury of being able to come home every weekend whenever you want, so when you're missing home, how do you cope?
While I am still finding this out for myself, I have developed and perfected a few tips and tricks which have proven effective in alleviating my stressful times. It's important to remember that homesickness is an extremely normal reaction to periods of rapid transition and adjustment- like starting your freshman year of college. More often than not, especially in my case, people misjudge or misinterpret what it means to be homesick. Being homesick is about missing that part of your life that's "normal", comfortable and what we are used to, and not being quite comfortable with your new way of life. Basically, being homesick is a longing for what's familiar to you.
The following are steps that may help those who are struggling with homesickness, and hopefully by sharing this with the world, I can shed light to others who might be experiencing, or have experienced similar reactions and situations to myself.
1. Recognize that what you're experiencing is entirely normal. According to Dr. Klapow, a clinical psychologist, "even if no one's saying, chances are most people are feeling various degrees of homesickness at one point or another. Feeling homesick is part of learning to live a new life- you can't do it without going through some sort of adjustment period". Acknowledging and accepting your homesickness is a way of learning how to live a new life, and once you know that you're homesick, you can take the necessary steps towards resolving it
2. Explore your new surroundings. You're not gonna learn how to adjust to your new home by restricting yourself to your small little dorm room. Try going for a walk, exploring campus and getting a feel for your surroundings. Introduce yourself to new people and engage in conversation. In that way, you're putting yourself out there, and making a conscious effort to engage and meeting new people. Scope out secret study spots for when you're tired of the library, find your favorite spots on campus to get lunch or coffee with friends, or quite spots to clear your head. The more you feel like your campus "belongs" to you, the more comfortable you'll feel at college.
3. Stay connected at home- but not too connected. I know I struggled with this in the beginning, wanting to text or call home every single day, sometimes multiple times a day, just to hear the voice of my parents, even if I didn't have anything in particular to talk to them about. Maintaining relationships with friends and family is important to helping miss home less, but part of getting over homesickness is severing emotional ties from home. What's especially great about the world we live in now is the availability of technology, which makes staying connected with home much easier. Touching base with friends and family back home will make you feel connected with what's going on back home, but you should do this in moderation. Challenge yourself to go small increments without touching back with home: one day, two days, three, and then try limiting yourself to a few times a week, to maybe once a week, and so on. The longer you can go without connection, the more you will be challenged and compelled to be actively involved and present on campus in the moment, and this will result in more fulfilling conversations at the end of the week, when you can share the weeks breakdown with your parents that Sunday before classes the next day.
4. Talk to other students. This is my last and MOST IMPORTANT tip. It's easy to feel alone when you're homesick, seeing on social media others posting pictures out with friends, partying, sporting events, having the time of their life. However, you'd be surprised how many other freshman are probably feeling the same way, and how many people there are that share your fears, but also interests. You just got to know where to look. Try talking to your new friends or people about what you're experiencing. Opening up about homesicknesses can be awkward, but it can be the best thing ever, as reaching out to your friends can help form a new camaraderie and fight your bouts of homesickness together. If I hadn't reached out to Anna that Saturday night about my panic attack and homesickness, I'm not sure where I would be, and it was that moment that truly changed my outlook on life, and strengthened my relationship with one of the best girls ever.
I can't thank my friends here enough for their amazing support and assurance with my struggles, always making me feel at home. I especially want to thank my friend Anna, for making me realize that everything I'm experiencing is normal, and reassuring me that I can reach out to not only her for anything, but to anyone on campus as well. She made me realize that it's important to reach out for support, and I'm truly grateful for all my amazing friends that I've met here so far!!!
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