Stress: Makes the Belly Ache

Hello my beautiful friends! Long time no talk (I'll admit, I've been lacking in the blog department, to be honest I've been dealing with personal issues and emotional distress and anxiety), BUT this brings me to the reason behind this week's blog post: STRESS!!!

Let's face it, while college has many amazing opportunities, and memorable experiences being in a new city and exploring with new friends, we will often find ourselves experiencing late night fatigue, stress and anxiety. THIS IS COMPLETELY NORMAL!! Many people, including myself, think that being overly stressed is uncommon; no one can relate to me or understands what I'm going through; I feel like I'm the only one who feels this way.

Well, that's where you're wrong!! Feeling stressed in today's society is pretty much inevitable. For a freshman in college, stress is among the norm: we are adjusting to living in a new environment, hundreds even thousands of miles away from home and what is familiar, the different workload and teaching styles of various teachers, midterms and registering for classes. That's enough to give someone a major headache, am I right??

Stress is a normal, automatic response also called the "fight or flight response" (applying psychology, thanks LoPresto!!), in which our body becomes alert and immediately responds when we sense we are being threatened by something or someone. Physically our heart rate and blood pressure increases, we might find it difficult to breathe as our diaphragm tightens, sweaty hands and a paranoid look in our eyes. 

In short, stress is defined as "the body's way of responding to any kind of demand or threat". When you repeatedly experience stress, it can lead to serious health problems and concerns, such as fatigue, and a weaker immune system, making one more prone or susceptible to getting sick. Our flight or flight response is the sympathetic nervous system reacting to a stressful event. We are constantly sizing up every situation that confronts us in life, deciding whether something is a threat and how we are going to respond to that situation.

Stress and anxiety is all too common for me, and if you know me, you'll know that I do this all too often. I'm a perfectionist at heart, in almost every aspect of my life, from the cleanliness of my bedroom (now college dorm room), to the outfits that I wear, to my hair  and makeup, but especially when it comes to academics and my grades and being organized. The way my mind is wired, everything has to be planned out in advance, WAY in advance, and sometimes that's a good thing, but when it consumes my social life and relationships with friends and loved ones, then it becomes obsessive compulsive.

When high school rolled around, I was full of jitters and excitement for high school to come, and the exciting journey ahead of me. I couldn't wait to meet new friends, and start on a clean slate with a lot more freedom and independence than I had experienced in middle school. I was quickly hit with the reality of a much larger workload, and began to experience severe anxiety. It slowly progressed. I would isolate myself and avoid social events because I was too stressed out or "didn't have time" to go out with friends and be engaged in social situations on the weekends. Unfortunately, my anxiety developed into extended periods of sadness: ones that didn't just last for a few hours or a day, but for several days, sometimes weeks. I would wake up everyday stressed and upset, and end the day feeling the same.

I struggled constantly to drag myself out of bed and function in school. Although my grades didn't suffer, my relationships with my friends and family, who mean the world to me, began to crumble at the seams. I felt muted and alone, and knew if I kept up this pattern of behavior, I would continue to wallow in my stress, and be stuck in an endless circle of anxiety, stress, sadness and hopelessness. The same thing happened when I arrived at Loyola: I found myself, once again, growing increasingly anxious and uneasy.

I became increasingly worried about myself, unsure why I was feeling the way I was, especially because during the day I was having fun and making memories with my messina group and my amazing evergreen Anna. But that's when I decided to do something about it, and regain control of my life. For the past few weeks I haven't been myself; I've been experiencing severe panic attacks, and have become increasingly quiet in classes and around friends, especially with my messina group during class and enrichment hour, distancing and isolating myself from the ones who love me. This past weekend, I went home, and it gave me time to reflect on everything I was feeling.

What are my stressors? What kinds of emotions do I experience when I'm stressed? What types of things should I do when I get stressed? Go for a walk? Talk with friends? Take a break from my homework, or go to the gym? All of this was running through my head. Everyone endures hardships, and they may be disheartening, discouraging ordeals that often times we struggle to pick ourselves up when we fall down. I would be lying if I didn't tell you that there were days when I fell just a little too hard, feeling hopeless and fighting to mend the pieces.

Creating this blog and reaching out for support at college was how I chose to reclaim my life. The coordination and courage isn't easy, since I had become accustomed to bottling up my stress and emotions, not wanting to burden others with my problems, thinking "I could handle this on my own, I'm fine".

I'm fine... I'm fine. Those were the words I would respond with whenever anyone would ask me how I was doing, or if anything was wrong. "Yeah, I'M FINE." But recently, I was tired of being "just fine", I deserved to be more than "fine", and everyone deserves that. If I've learned anything my 2 months here at Loyola it's that in order to surmount my treacherous setbacks and kick stress in the butt, I have to take the first step and ask for help, which may seem insignificant at first, but internally and emotionally, it makes a huge difference.

I was inspired to write this blog post during enrichment hour, when my evergreen mentor Anna, gave a presentation on stress and anxiety. Hesitant, I was extremely shy and not my usual bubbly, outgoing self, not knowing if anyone else in the room would be going through similar experiences as I was feeling. To my surprise, I was wrong; EVERYONE could relate. Anna talked about common stressors, the biggest being college transitional life, in which we had to adjust to living independently, without the easy access to our parents as resources. By the end of the session, I became more at ease and eager to participate in conversation, and later that day, thanked her for giving a presentation that we could all relate to, especially at a really stressful, low point in my life.

NOW TO THE GOOD PART: How on earth do we kick stress in the ass?!?!?! While I'm no expert on all things stress and anxiety emotional support, let me try to shed some light on personal experiences and strategies that have helped me, through the eyes of a college student. 

1. Go for a walk or run: This is one of my favorite stress relievers, and yes it's sometimes hard to find the internal motivation for such an endeavor, but I promise if you take even 30 minutes to go for a nature walk or run, it will make all the difference. Part of what makes this effective is the mentality that "yeah I know I don't want to do this, but I have to force myself to do things that I may not 'want' to do as it will benefit my stress levels in the long run". Physically activity is one of the most effective forms of stress relief, as it produces endorphins which are chemical messengers that act as natural painkillers for the brain, and also improves the ability to sleep. In general, when your body feels better, in turn your mind feels better as a result. Nothing beats the feeling than after a 2-3 mile run, the warmth of my muscles, and the exhaustion but satisfaction I feel after accomplishing something I set my mind to.

2. Watch Tv or a Movie: If you ever find yourself feeling stressed while doing school work, another way to relieve stress (while this may not be effective for everyone, it has been for me) is distracting your mind with some mindless television or movies. Better yet, do this with friends, because nothing relieves my stress more than being surrounded by my closest friends who never fail to make me laugh or put a well needed smile on my face. During stressful times, it's important to never be alone because the longer you're allow and wallow in your distress and sadness, the longer those stressful periods will last. 

3. Reach out to friends: Going off of what I mentioned before, friends are an invaluable resource for all things communication. Whenever I feel myself getting anxious and uneasy, I know I have a solid foundational base of friends who I know I could reach out to for anything at anytime, and reciprocate that in return. During my first weekend of school here at Loyola, before I became close with my friends and messina group, my evergreen proved to be such an amazing resource for support. Anna knew exactly what to say, giving me valuable pieces of advice, coming from someone who had just gone through freshman year the previous year. She showed me the various programs and resources that Loyola has to offer, and I seized the opportunity. This brings me to to my next point:

4. Join clubs and activities: Whether you're in college, high school, middle school, etc there are so many opportunities for activities and service organizations. Since being at Loyola, I've actively participated in Relay for Life, as this was a huge part of my life back home in NJ and my senior year running the event with 3 of my best friends. In addition, I'm currently training to become a Loyola tour guide (almost done!!), and am so excited to apply to become an evergreen, which is a program of upperclassmen mentors, who act as valuable resources to incoming freshman and participate in the first year messina program. Since we had a similar program at Ramsey High School, in which I was an active participant and later coordinator of the leadership program, I hope I can get the position so I can do the kind of work that Anna and so many other amazing evergreen leaders do to help first year students assimilate and adjust to college life and make the transition as successful and smooth as possible.

5. Write: This is my last tidbit of advice, and to be honest, you may not agree with me, but give it a try. It's almost therapeutic and a great way to take you mind off the stress and fast pace life of college to set aside even just 30 minutes to write. Writing has been that safe outlet for me, where I can reflect on everything I'm feeling and have experienced during the day, and simply write it all down. It's a way to get all that negative and unwanted energy out of your system, rather than keep it bottled up inside and simply loom in your mind. You can do this with coloring too, yes adult coloring books are actually fun!!! They are a means of personal expression, and forces you to focus on one thing at a time, choosing the perfect color and coloring in one area at a time, which will help develop a lifestyle mindset. In life you can't look at tasks and assignment as a whole (I'm guilty of this), but rather, jot down a list of assignments that need to get done, and take each subject one at a time. Once you're done with one subject's homework, cross it off your list and move on to the next assignment. By forcing your mind to focus on one thing at a time (since it's scientifically and psychologically proven that humans CANNOT multitask well!!), you are less likely to experience stress than if you look at all 5 subjects and their assignments all at once.

Hopefully there's something for everyone to take out of this post. College is stressful, and that's the truth, but it's important to understand and realize that it's a normal aspect of the transition process. When the going gets tough, use it as fuel to get through that bad day, because good days are coming. Everyone's going to have a bad day, but know it's only temporary if you choose not to let it affect you. The more you wallow in your sorrows, the longer and more painful your experience will be. Be active and force yourself to do more productive things, because life will go on if you take an hour or more each day for self pleasure and enjoyment if you don't do that one homework assignment. If there's one thing I remember from my evergreen Anna is that the most important thing is to take care of yourself. Whenever you feel yourself getting anxious or worked up, put down the work and take some time to relax, watch tv or talk to some friends, because the worst thing you can do is overwork yourself. My mom sent me this quote today via text message, wishing me a good day at school, and I thought this was perfect timing, with the theme of this week's blog post, and I really needed the small pick me up, which will go a long way. Stay positive, because happiness is around the corner, you just have to give it time!

xoxo kaitlyn zwerling 

HOMESICK BLUES

So ever been away for an extended period of time, away from your friends and family, away from everything that was familiar and comfortable about your life? Feeling homesick and wanting the constant love and support from your friends and family? Will things ever get better?

These were the questions that I constantly asked myself, as I embarked on the college bandwagon, and traveled the 300 miles to Baltimore, Maryland to my future home for the next four years: Loyola University. I was extremely excited, butterflies in my stomach, eyes wide open ready with open arms for the new experiences and friends I was going to make. But something wasn't completely right: a slight hesitation, inclination of worry, anxiety, and nerves. At the time, I couldn't quite understand what I was feeling because I was so excited, and ready to be independent and live on my own and make all new friends, and especially start anew and pursue my career dreams. Yet, amidst all my excitement, was this little flicker of hesitation.

As it came down to my parents leaving me, and having to meet my evergreen and group for the first time, this feeling started to progress, but I was determined not to let it get in the way of having fun with a new group of individuals from all over. The first day flew by, full of ice breaker activities, academic seminars, and fun laughs share by all. That night, my evergreen Anna, asked all of us to reflect on the day, and think about a fear that we have for the year, keep it to ourselves, but remember it for Monday. At first, I just thought of something simple: the class work load, getting lost on campus, throwing up (yes I'm terrified of throwing up, or other people getting sick), but as the welcome weekend continued, I found myself growing increasingly uneasy, experiencing insomnia and nightmares.

I became increasingly worried about myself, not knowing why I was feeling this way, especially because during the day I was having fun, making memories and spending fun times with my messina group and amazing evergreen leader Anna. The insomnia, anxiety, and nerves progressively intensified. I was constantly talking and face timing my parents, and always had great stories and things to share. Yet, nothing was shaking this feeling that something was wrong. Once classes rolled around, I was excited to meet all my new professors, and finally get into a routine for myself. The first week went pretty well, a few nerves here and there, but all in all I was very successful. I made friends in all my classes, saw Anna and met her friends, and even went to the gym and did laundry.

The first weekend rolled around, and that's when things went downhill. Saturday night was a night I won't forget. I was siting on the second floor common space, frivolously doing homework, when I started getting this horrible anxious feeling. At the time I had been texting and snap chatting my evergreen Anna, when I started experiencing chest pains, which then escalated to a full blown panic attack. I found myself unable to breathe, and this was a feeling I have never felt before, and no matter what I did from walking around and doing laps, nothing seemed to calm me down. I have snap chatted Anna, telling her that I was having an anxiety attack. She asked me if everything was alright, and if I needed her to come hang out with me. It was at that moment, when I knew that I was homesick. I pushed myself to the limit, with zero breaks, making myself crazy over the monstrosity of school work that I was assigned. Anna made me realize that I needed to reach out, and ask for help, and while looking back on it in the moment I didn't think I would need her and didn't want to burden her, I definitely needed someone that night to comfort me.

I've always been the kind of person who never reached out to anyone for help, thinking "oh I can handle it whatever" or felt I was burdening people with my problems. That night I made a promise to Anna: my goal for the year is to ask for help. As much as I thought I could have handled the panic attack that Saturday, looking back I definitely needed her, but I was worried about burdening Anna with my problems. She made me realize that I should never be afraid to reach out, because that's what friends are for. They are there for each other, no matter what the situation or circumstance. Her kind words will always resonate and hold a special place in my heart. You don't come across people like Anna, willing to drive all the way from her house to campus at 11 pm on a Saturday night to comfort me for a panic attack.

The idea behind this post is simple: homesickness is extremely common amongst college freshman, and even upperclassmen. I never thought I would be the one to get homesick. I had been away from my family before, Ecuador for 2 weeks, and mission trips to Indiana with my youth group, and never experienced any issues before. But being in a new environment, and realizing that this isn't a temporary trip for a few days or a week, but rather, this was going to be my new home for the next four years, and the people around me were about to become my new family and friends. No matter how excited you may be about college life, even the most independent individuals, like myself, can find themselves struck with homesickness.

Moving away from home for the first time, adjusting to college life and schedules, with extended periods of free time and breaks in between classes and setting up a brand new schedule all take a toll on you, and sometimes you find yourself wanting to crawl into that extra small twin bed and tuck yourself into the covers and avoid life's difficulties. A lot of college students like myself don't have the luxury of being able to come home every weekend whenever you want, so when you're missing home, how do you cope?

While I am still finding this out for myself, I have developed and perfected a few tips and tricks which have proven effective in alleviating my stressful times. It's important to remember that homesickness is an extremely normal reaction to periods of rapid transition and adjustment- like starting your freshman year of college. More often than not, especially in my case, people misjudge or misinterpret what it means to be homesick. Being homesick is about missing that part of your life that's "normal", comfortable and what we are used to, and not being quite comfortable with your new way of life. Basically, being homesick is a longing for what's familiar to you.

The following are steps that may help those who are struggling with homesickness, and hopefully by sharing this with the world, I can shed light to others who might be experiencing, or have experienced similar reactions and situations to myself.

1. Recognize that what you're experiencing is entirely normal. According to Dr. Klapow, a clinical psychologist, "even if no one's saying, chances are most people are feeling various degrees of homesickness at one point or another. Feeling homesick is part of learning to live a new life- you can't do it without going through some sort of adjustment period". Acknowledging and accepting your homesickness is a way of learning how to live a new life, and once you know that you're homesick, you can take the necessary steps towards resolving it

2. Explore your new surroundings. You're not gonna learn how to adjust to your new home by restricting yourself to your small little dorm room. Try going for a walk, exploring campus and getting a feel for your surroundings. Introduce yourself to new people and engage in conversation. In that way, you're putting yourself out there, and making a conscious effort to engage and meeting new people. Scope out secret study spots for when you're tired of the library, find your favorite spots on campus to get lunch or coffee with friends, or quite spots to clear your head. The more you feel like your campus "belongs" to you, the more comfortable you'll feel at college.

3. Stay connected at home- but not too connected. I know I struggled with this in the beginning, wanting to text or call home every single day, sometimes multiple times a day, just to hear the voice of my parents, even if I didn't have anything in particular to talk to them about. Maintaining relationships with friends and family is important to helping miss home less, but part of getting over homesickness is severing emotional ties from home. What's especially great about the world we live in now is the availability of technology, which makes staying connected with home much easier. Touching base with friends and family back home will make you feel connected with what's going on back home, but you should do this in moderation. Challenge yourself to go small increments without touching back with home: one day, two days, three, and then try limiting yourself to a few times a week, to maybe once a week, and so on. The longer you can go without connection, the more you will be challenged and compelled to be actively involved and present on campus in the moment, and this will result in more fulfilling conversations at the end of the week, when you can share the weeks breakdown with your parents that Sunday before classes the next day.

4. Talk to other students. This is my last and MOST IMPORTANT tip. It's easy to feel alone when you're homesick, seeing on social media others posting pictures out with friends, partying, sporting events, having the time of their life. However, you'd be surprised how many other freshman are probably feeling the same way, and how many people there are that share your fears, but also interests. You just got to know where to look. Try talking to your new friends or people about what you're experiencing. Opening up about homesicknesses can be awkward, but it can be the best thing ever, as reaching out to your friends can help form a new camaraderie and fight your bouts of homesickness together. If I hadn't reached out to Anna that Saturday night about my panic attack and homesickness, I'm not sure where I would be, and it was that moment that truly changed my outlook on life, and strengthened my relationship with one of the best girls ever.

I can't thank my friends here enough for their amazing support and assurance with my struggles, always making me feel at home. I especially want to thank my friend Anna, for making me realize that everything I'm experiencing is normal, and reassuring me that I can reach out to not only her for anything, but to anyone on campus as well. She made me realize that it's important to reach out for support, and I'm truly grateful for all my amazing friends that I've met here so far!!!

Thank You Letter from a College Freshman

A message to my parents from their little girl. Here I am, finishing my first full week of classes at college, and I couldn't help but feel inclined to write you a proper thank you. So here goes:

Mom and Dad,
Thank you so much for being my biggest supporters, and doing life with me. Thank you for never giving up on me, even after all the times I gave up on myself. There were times when I felt lost, unable to find my way home, but you two were always at the end of the road with open arms, always supporting and encouraging me to be myself. Thank you for being my biggest supporters at sporting events, from t-ball games, to softball, to soccer, basketball, to the dreaded volleyball games, wondering if I would get to play even one rotation.

Thank you for loving me. As a child, teenager, and young adult girl, there was never a moment when I never felt loved beyond words. These past few years have been extremely rough, from anxiety to depression, to failed friend groups, to school work. I wouldn't have been able to surmount these obstacles without your constant encouragement and attentive listening for hours on end.

College is a completely empty place without you two, full of new and sometimes intimidating places and experiences. I'm completely on my own, having 2-3 classes per day, a heavy workload that hits you like a truck, trying to figure out what and when to eat or do my laundry. Making friends hasn't been the hardest part, it's connecting with those friends, and going outside of my comfort zone to make plans, rather than sit around all day and evening, buried 6 feet under in homework. It's time I move on and grow as a young adult.

While sitting on the 2nd floor commonspace in Flannery Hall, overlooking the trees and hills and the Loyola library, I've been inspired to write this to you. There's so much I have to be thankful for, and it's all due to your never-ending love and support through every age and stage of my development in my 18 years here on Earth. I read a lot of these kinds of blog posts, from college students to their parents, but I wanted to make mine as special and meaningful as possible. Rather than saying a ton of cliches that everyone throws around, I'm going to insert some of our favorite memories and quotes together.

Mom,
You've always told me to "spread my wings and fly", ever since I was a little girl. When I'm feeling depressed you reassure me and tell me "deep down inside you have the same wisdom for yourself just waiting to jump out at your mature independent self". You always respond to my texts, sometimes right away, other times 5 hours later, but the emotion and excitement I get when I see your name pop up on my phone never fails to put a smile on my face. You always know exactly what to say to me in regards to every little fear and nuance I have, from my extremely sensitive stomach, to my constant fear of throwing up (it's called emetophobia, yes it's a real scientific fear :) ). When I'm constantly stressing and worrying about events and situations that haven't even happened yet, especially when it comes to school, my favorite thing you've said to me was "take one week at a time, and just have fun with it and the grade will be whatever it is with you trying your best. There's a fine line between nerves and excitement, so just go with it.

Thanks for always reminding me that with each accomplishment, I will feel better and better and tip the balance towards "excitement with the butterflies, or flutter flies as I used to call them". You always encourage me to throw the stress out the window and have as much fun as possible. You're right when you tell me to stop battling going outside my comfort zone and going out with new friends. "Each time you do it will get easier and more fun. Stop focusing on missing us and work hard on accomplishing moving forward socially."

Dad,
Where do I even begin? I've always been a "daddy's girl" ever since I could remember. From yelling at you, to walking around naked in mom's high heels, to you taking embarrassing pictures of me or flicking my butt, I've always looked up to you as a dad, but also my best friend. I know things haven't been easy on both of us these past few years, both experiencing hardships with depression, you restless legs and back injuries, but look where we are now! Better and stronger than ever. We share the same tv and movie interests, and I love our endless stream of text messages where we send our favorite movie quotes until we laugh out hysterically. You won't be able to tell me "oh behave" while I'm away at college so sorry! Thanks for being you, and being the best dad a girl could ever dream of. It's hard to admit it, but I think I lucked out with you. This past summer in Paris was the trip of a lifetime, full of amazing memories and laughs shared, along with scares and anxiety. Yet, we grew closer as a result, and it made saying good bye that much harder than I ever anticipated.

That being said, I've met so many amazing people who have influenced and impacted my life in the short week I've been on campus. My evergreen Anna, one of the sweetest girls I have ever met, in just a few short days, has become one of my closest friends. She never fails to help me out, or give me the best advice. She has encouraged me that I can power through the massive workload, and reassured me that I will do great things in college and the future, and she will always be there for me if I need her. Anna is always there for me when I need someone to talk, and I wouldn't have been able to survive my first week on campus without her, and for that I'm forever grateful to have someone like her. Without her, college would have been completely different. 

College is like a rollercoaster, full of twists and turns and in between. It takes time to find your path and way around the world of college, and even though I don't have my parents to help me, I am blessed to have amazing friends, like Anna and SO MANY MORE, who are always there to pick me up. I'm no where near where I want to be (still have tons of anxiety and nerves), but I'm hoping I'm on the right path.

I MADE MY FIRST YOUTUBE VIDEO!!!!

MAKEUP TUTORIAL!!!

Hello my lovely readers!

Today is an extremely special day!! A few months ago, I said that I was going to embark on a new journey in my life, and take the plunge into the world of YOUTUBE!

Well... the moment has come ! Above, I have attached the link to my VERY first video: a makeup tutorial using my urban decay naked 1 and 2 palettes!! While the quality isn't the greatest, I am pleased with the results being my first time using movie maker and editing my own footage.

PLEASE: it would mean the world to me if you could go watch it, and give it a thumbs up and comment here or on the video what my next video should be! Any input is appreciated!!!

LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!

XOXO Kaitlyn

YOUTUBE CHANNEL!!!

Hey guys!!! 
So sorry I have been MIA I have been dealing with some personal issues that needed to be addressed and college planning, but I am back and ready to blog my heart out! Oh how I have missed writing by stream of consciousness 😄

During the time that I have been gone, I have contemplated back and forth whether to create a youtube channel, and I finally decided that I think I am ready to embark on yet another exciting and fun adventure in my life! Youtube will allow me to be creative and express myself in different ways, where I can share my love of fashion and DIY crafts such as room decor and hair styles, and I am not concerned about trying to become "famous". It's not a place where I am going to disclose my issues that I write about here, but just more about having fun with little crafts that I can share with others!!

Let me know what you guys think about this idea and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COMMENT what my first video should be!! I can do a hair tutorial, DIY video, something cooking or baking related, etc just really need some creative and constructive ideas!! Couldn't be more excited!! 

                              xoxo Kaitlyn 💘

My Best Friends

 

 

 

 

So I've been thinking a lot about how I'm a senior in high school and how we are half way through the year and all the memories that I've had this year, and I just thought about all my amazing friends that I've made this year, and those that I've been best friends with since the very beginning. I'm really the luckiest girl in the world to have such amazing friends like mine in my life and I'm so happy about how blessed I have been. Best friends are those who you can do everything or nothing with and still have the best time together, whether it be a night on the town and going out, or a movie and popcorn on the couch, they are always there for you and make you the happiest person in the world. They are the ones who will randomly text you in the middle of the night to tell you how much they love you and how amazing you are as a friend; let me just tell you, every single one of those text messages I screenshot and save them to read when I'm having a bad day.

 

No matter how serious life gets, we all need those friends in our lives whom we can still be completely stupid with, my favorite parts being all the crazy, funny inside jokes best friends share that make you both laugh and no one knows what the hell is so funny. A friend is someone who can see the pain that you're in, even when you're fooling everyone else, and masking the pain. And sometimes, being with those best friends is all the therapy you need. When I'm having a bad day, I can always count on my friends to spontaneously call or text them to get out of the house, and they will respond without hesitation and come to my rescue.

It's scary to think that all my best friends I've accumulated in high school and I will be parting ways soon, as we embark on the journey towards our future when we graduate and move on to college. However, it's those best friends that you don't need to talk to everyday, you don't need to talk to for weeks, but when you do, it's as if you'd never stopped talking. I am fortunate to have made the most amazing friends that life can offer. They always tell my to stay strong and keep fighting because being happy is the most important thing in life. Every girl needs a best friend who can make her laugh when she doesn't think she will ever be able to smile again. All you need is one of those. Fortunately, I have been blessed by the grace of God with SOOO many amazing best friends. Close friends support you through thick and thin and give you a shoulder to cry on for emotional support. Friendship can have a major impact on your well-being, and help heighten your happiness, and sense of self-worth and confidence. They remind you that life is worth fighting for and re-direct you back on the road to happiness and recovery after a bad time.

Thank you to all of my amazing friends who have stood by me at my best moments and darkest moments. You truly all have a special place in my heart, and I will ALWAYS cherish and love you all to the fullest.

xoxo kaitlyn



THANK YOU!!!

I want to thank everyone for the overwhelming support and praise in the creation of my new blog. There's nothing I love more than when someone comes up to me and tells me that my blog has impacted them in some way or floods me with love and praise. Writing is something I have always loved doing, ever since I was younger, and it's a way I can openly and freely pour out my emotions. My goal is to make this blog as successful as it can be, and continue to spread love and positive energy. Stay tuned I will be posting something special dedicated to my amazing friends, and I've been working on this one for weeks now so it will be a good one, and worth the read!!

Comment down below what you want to see me write about, I have some ideas drafted out, but want to incorporate the ideas of others if there is something that you want to be spoken about, or any questions you have that should be answered!!

xoxo kaitlyn

The Story Behind The Blog

For my first "official" blog post (the other one didn't really count in my opinion) I decided it would be best to discuss the reason behind the blog. It's important that in order to be truthful and honest with my viewers, I create a post discussing the blogger herself.

This is my story. It all started back in the 1st grade. I had always had self confidence issues and lack of self respect, but it was in 1st grade, where I experienced my first dose of bullying.

I had suffered from a rare, but dangerous virus and infection (won't go into details, it's not relevant) that left me with scars on my face. People of that age were cruel, calling me a monster, and running away in terror and fear. It was this traumatic event that would eventually haunt and scare me as I got older.

Fast forward now to high school.I couldn’t wait to meet new friends, and start on a clean slate with a lot more freedom and independence than I had experienced in middle school. I was quickly hit with the reality of a much larger workload, and began to experience severe anxiety. It slowly progressed. I would isolate myself and avoid social events because I was too stressed out, or didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin to be exposed to a situation full of partying, alcohol, and peer pressure. My anxiety developed into extended periods of sadness: ones that didn’t just last for a few hours or a day, but for several days, sometimes weeks. I would wake up every day upset and end the day feeling the same. I struggled constantly to pick myself out of bed and function in school.

I was in so much pain, and I was tired of explaining my pain to my parents, and all I wanted was clarity. I needed some kind of answer to my constant thought that I was crazy. My mood was extremely erratic during my junior year, and both my friends and parents became concerned. It finally became too much. Reluctantly, I sought after psychological help, where I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression and anxiety, and as I continued therapy once a week, my therapist noticed similar signs and symptoms I was experiencing that are associated with bipolar depression.

Bipolar depression symptoms include periods of elevated mood or irritability. My mind is never at rest and is constantly racing, and often I experience high energy levels with reduced need for sleep. My erratic mood consists of emotions ranging from anger, anxiety, hopelessness, inability to feel pleasure, and elevated moods followed by sudden mood swings. I would make rash and impulsive decisions and partook in risky behaviors such as self-harm. In addition, I developed an eating disorder, starving myself and losing over 10 pounds my junior year. My life felt like it was spiraling out of control, that I was stuck in a never ending tornado unable to break free, and I just didn’t want to be here anymore and suffer.

But that’s when I decided to do something about it: I reached out for help and established this blog dedicated to providing optimism and peace of mind to those out there struggling with similar issues. Everyone endures hardships, and they may be disheartening, discouraging ordeals that often times we struggle to pick ourselves up when we fall down. I learned that in order to surmount my treacherous setbacks, I had to take that first step and ask for help.

Today I can tell you I am taking the right steps toward recovery. I have such amazing friends that are there every step of the way. I feel confident, excited, and most importantly: happy. Yes, happiness seems so simple, and you may wonder, why is this so important? Doesn't everyone experience happiness?

While that may seem like the truth, happiness to me has been the key towards the road to recovery. I am so happy and proud of everything I have accomplished, and to say I'm finally experiencing happiness, is more important than any trophy or material good in the world. So I encourage you all, if you or someone is struggling, reach out for support. Trust me, it makes all the world of differences.

                                                                 xoxo kaitlyn

New Platform, Same Goal!!!

Hey Guys!!

 

This very first post is to inform everyone about my change in platform for my "Finding Optimism" blog. I discovered that you can blog through your gmail account, and I decided it's worth a go! Weebly.com was nice for the beginning, but extremely difficult to manage and edit as well. This was, I constantly am accessing my gmail account while on the goal, making for easy blogging opportunities. I am going to blog every week on Fridays (that is my goal!!) since it will be easy after school and work and I am not stressed out with school work! I can't wait to embark on this exciting endeavor, and I hope you guys will take the journey with me, and send some requests for what to blog about!!

xoxo Kaitlyn